Pregnant Mom Leaves Her Appointment Bewildered After Nurse Shames Her For Not Circumcising Son
When you know you’re having a baby boy, you and your partner need to make a call — should the boy be circumcised?
Circumcision comes with a list of pros and cons. WebMD states that it may actually lower the risk of urinary tract infections, and it can help protect a young man from penile cancer. But there are also risks — especially if it’s done as an adult. Some feel as if the process is brutal and unnecessary.
Others choose to circumcise based on a religious standpoint. All in all, there are a lot of factors that go into the decision. None of them are wrong — and it’s up to the parents to make the final call.
Regardless of your standpoint, the worst thing someone can do is shame you for it, especially since so many factors go into the decision.
But that’s exactly what happened to a woman who posted on Reddit about her experience. She explained that she was 32 weeks along in her pregnancy and that the nurse made comments she didn’t appreciate. While nurses may have opinions, it likely wasn’t the time or place.
The woman, writing under the name KitchenMolasses, wrote that she wasn’t looking for sympathy — she just wanted to rant. “At my 32w checkup today and the nurse was asking me about the forms I needed to register at the hospital,” she wrote. “She asked if I needed a copy of the circumcision form since I’m having a boy. I politely told her that I didn’t need it.”
“Then she said, ‘Honestly I don’t know why we have a form for it, they should just automatically do it to everyone,” she continued. “I can’t imagine why some people don’t circumcise their sons, it’s just so disgusting. I have three boys and of course they’ve all been circumcised.'” At this point, she put her personal opinion in there, which made the original poster (OP) feel singled out.
Should she have explained her set reasons for wanting to avoid the procedure? Of course not. Again, there may be slight medical pros and cons, but there’s nothing outwardly wrong or disgusting about either procedure. One might not be for you, and that’s OK.
“I like to avoid confrontation, so I just said ‘Well I guess not everyone feels that way’ and I tried to change the subject,” she wrote. “It just [expletive] me off that a ‘medical professional’ who should be non-biased on personal choices feels the need to inject her opinion in my son’s life.” The woman went on to say that she’s already dealt with a fair amount of mom shaming.
This isn’t her first child. With her first, a daughter, she chose to breastfeed until she turned 2. Again, this is a topic that a lot of people have opinions on — but the choice is completely up to the mom. The only person who should interfere with feeding is a doctor, and that’s if the baby is underweight or not getting the nutrients he or she needs to thrive.
Unfortunately, as the comments reveal, this has happened to a few women. However, some nurses entered the thread and explained that they’ve felt differently. Supposedly, being in the room when the procedure is done is tough to watch. “I’ve helped with circs before and yeah, I HATED holding down the poor kids,” clutzycook wrote.
But no newborn will remember the procedure. And in the medical field, there are plenty of moments that are tough to watch. Even watching a woman give birth can be hard for people, especially if there are complications. So while it’s good to get the other perspective, that’s not something a mom should really base her full decision on.
MeteorMeatier said that she was asked about circumcision a lot while at the doctors, and it never seemed as important as they made it. “Are you circumcising? was far and away the question I was asked most during my hospital stay,” she wrote. “It seemed like every single person that entered my room asked me.”
Even stranger, she said that she was asked that question shortly after she realized she was pregnant. “My ob asked several times at my prenatal appt and even at my 6 week check up- which I found bizarre,” she continued. “After the baby is out the ob basically has nothing to do with them. Why did my ob need to know if I had my son circumcised?”
Other Redditors felt as if maybe location was to blame. While it’s strange to think of circumcision as a “trend,” it makes sense to talk to other mothers about their thoughts before making the decision. “I live in middle of nowhere Missouri,” writes CaffeineFueledLife. “Haven’t gotten a single negative comment about leaving my son intact. I wasn’t pressured about it at all.”
Raiu86 told a story about one of her boys and what was said to her at her OB’s office. “I have a male OB and at this hospital OBs circumcise babies (not pediatricians). So my OB asks me if I will be getting Baby circumcised so that he can plan to do it before we leave,” she explained.
“I say no thank you. My husband asks if doc thinks that’s ok… Doc looks visibly relieved and says ‘it’s just cosmetic. He’ll be just fine the way he came out.'” That story more or less states that it’s fine to do either. There’s nothing that’ll hold a boy back from not having it done.
While some medical professionals might try to insert their own opinion into your choice, you should know that it wouldn’t be optional if it made a huge difference. Whether it’s done or not, it won’t hold anyone back or make them all that different. Choosing not to circumcise is far more common than it was years ago.
However, people need to realize that it’s very insulting to mock a woman’s choice. Women know the best path for their own baby — and if they don’t, they have a network of professionals a phone call away who can help them out. Random comments saying that refusing to circumcise is “gross” can be very damaging.
Especially because it isn’t. It just requires a different method to stay clean. And once a young man learns how to best take care of his body and his hygiene, there’s nothing all that different. But the OP made a great point that this was just another reason for a mom to shame another mom. There are so many different methods of parenting, and there’s no single right way to do it. What works for your household might not work for another. That’s why there are countless methods on how to potty train and how to soothe a baby. Yours is unique, and you’ll figure them out with time.